Journals38
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Two Big Important Updates
5 min read
Alright! I know I've been non responsive for awhile but this time I did not completely vanish! I have been on the internet more and on DA more when not busy looking for a job and handling stuff at home. I have mainly been active on my secondary account. Yes I have a second account here on DA, it was originally designed for Rp use for a specific group. After I was forced to leave for lack of time to rp the account sat unused for awhile until I was finally able to return to DA. So here are my two big updates!
I have decided to divide my deviations between my two accounts. I know some people watch this account for my cosplay, psyraps, zoids, etc. So I decided to keep that the same. I will now be submitting all my writings, original and fanfic as well as any poetry and anything rp related to my second account! My writings and rps tend to be rather graphic in all sense of the term and I know some people do not appreciate this type of thing nor are they interested in it. So rather than annoy people with submissions involving such content who merely wanted to watch me for cosplay or any other reason, it shall all be posted on my other account. Occassionally any drawings related to my writins will be posted on this account as well as my secondary account.
Also, as a note to anyone of whom I started rps with on this account through note or otherwise. Please direct those notes/messages to my secondary account now!
To sum it all up:is going to be used to post cosplay photos and anything zoids, psychoraptor, traditional or digital art related as well as any photomanips.
is where all poetry, fanfiction, original stories, and rps will be posted along with any drawn art related to them! Ocassionally the drawn art from this account will be uploaded to my Dregrith account. This account is also where I am running my own Zelda OC Rp group called Zelda-Legends-Reborn. Here is a link to the group if you are interested.
I shall now be moving all my poetry and writings on this account to
Thank you for understanding!^^
Okay time for the second update! I finally after all this time managed to get a job! I got the phone call today! I will be starting this coming Tuesday. Its only a part time position to start but it has the potential to become a full time position. The job is only a little over 10 miles from my house and its still in Maryland so this means I can avoid tax from living in one state and working in another. It also means I have a shorter distance to travel so less money is used up in gas and maintence on my truck, so more money in my pocket in the long run! The job is in a rather nice location and the building is seperate from the strip mall which makes the store a hell of a lot nicer. At least I can feel more comfortable when working late night shifts and not having to be TOO worried about creepers when leaving the store at night.
The job is still in the animal field, its a pet supply store but its a chain store rather than a large coorperation which is nice. Its large but not overly large so it doesn't make me feel like just another number. The people at this store are nice and since I have previous experience with all the products they carry the only real adjustment is going to be learning how their registers work. I'm confident and actually calm for once going into a job. I've been wanting to get into this location for awhile now and after all this time I finally got it.
Now I am starting out on a probation period for a month. This means if I fuck up during this time frame majorly they will boot me after the month is up. I am not going to fuck this up no matter what! Once the probation period is up I'll be pretty much in the clear. I am really hopeful this works out and I'll be working there for awhile to come.
To the people I know in real life, I'll note you the exact location of my job and the name of the store so you can drop by if you want when I'm getting of my shift or on lunch break or something. XD
Anyways, thats that!
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Been Awhile...
6 min read
Well, its been awhile since my last entry then huh? Yeah, it has. As per usual I have answers as to by absence. For those of you who know me, you can pretty much figure out why I haven't been around. Or else you've heard from someone else who knows me. Regardless it comes down to the same subjects yet again. Family, work, medical, with a dash of my internet connection thanks to my router being stupid and everything balling up then exploded with the results of me becoming introverted and thus becoming obsessed with Skyrim. Yes, that game stole my soul for awhile there. Had a fantastic time playing it despite the glitches and having to start all over again but I loved it all the same.
No, Skryim wasn't fully responsible for my lack of activity as I've already stated despite how much I obsessed with it. It was mostly do to the usual shit that seems to follow me wherever I go. I'll be honest I've spent so much of my time on the internet chasing down jobs that I grew so sick and depressed where the computer and internet was concerned in general I didn't have the want to get on it even for pleasure. Around this time of year anyways the net is pretty slow or rather I should say, the people I normally associate with are so busy in real life we're hardly on at the same times anyways. Another reason not to get on as much. There is also the final contribution of if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. In other words, I've had hardly anything positive to speak of so why bother coming online to rant/write about it and just depress and or annoy other people?
I know there are people who worry about me, especially those of which the only contact is the internet. But I'd rather not trouble you guys with matters that cannot be fixed save by me, myself, or are out of my hands entirely. It doesn't do anyone any good to dwell on such things, best just to let it roll of one's back and keep moving forward. I'll be honest, I'd rather be analytical than over run with emotion, doesn't get me or anyone else anywhere. Huh, now that I think about it, its actually disturbing how common place this has become. Doesn't matter, I know there are plenty of other people out there who are in the same boat I am or worse, hence no reason to complain.
This definately does not mean however that I am ungreatful to the emotional support everyone has offered me! Hell no it doesn't mean that! I just wanted to make that clear right now. Everyone has enough going on in their own lives and I do not want to add to anyone's stresses, thus my lack of journal entries. If you want to know the full story of things that have been going on I'll tell you, no worries, I'm not trying to hide anything from anyone. Its just, I don't see much of a point going on about something when not much if anything can be done about it. I've adapted to matters, learning to re-route my emotions and have been able to stop certain things from bothering me as much as they use to. Hence the lessend need for venting. Then again I think this is another affect of the meds I'm on and how the screw up one's hormones. They've help to make me...well....dull and lifeless to put it one way. Very unemotional.
However this might very well change soon as my doctor has placed me on a different medication, so its a wait and see aspect.
I will highlight on a few matters which have transpired.
One of my gerbils died a few nights ago. It was heartbreaking. I know it sounds foolish to get attached to a rodent but I had them since they were four weeks old. Typically rodents live on average 2-3 years. This one was 4. She had a good life. So far her sister is still alive and doing well. But in my experience the survivor typically dies about 1-2 weeks after the first one. So far she's going on strong so I have hopes for her.
The only other thing worth mentioning is....I'm out of a job again. I resigned this past weekend. After 6 weeks of no hours and thus no pay, I decided it was high due time to drop the job and move on to something more worth the effort. In case you are wondering, it said part-timers could be given anywhere from 0-80 hours every pay period [2 weeks]. I did not think this was the case with me but after all the lies and broken promises and being manipulated and used it was time to leave. Part time to me means at least 10 hours every week. No, I was misled from the very beginning as to what I was being brought on for. What I actually was...was a part time fill in. Meaning I only got hours whenever there was any left over after everyone else was put on. If I had known that from the start I would have never taken the job.
It doesn't matter now, its said, done and over, time to move on.
So once again I'm out of work with no pay. Once again I'm scrambling with online and instore applications, phone calls and emails despertly attempting to get another job. I will admit I don't have much hope. But I have no choice but to keep moving forward. There is a small prospect of getting a job at one store I've been eyeing for awhile now. Hopefully I'll be able to get in there, its close to my house, a nice area and it would be solid hours and pay. Here's to hoping then.
No, Skryim wasn't fully responsible for my lack of activity as I've already stated despite how much I obsessed with it. It was mostly do to the usual shit that seems to follow me wherever I go. I'll be honest I've spent so much of my time on the internet chasing down jobs that I grew so sick and depressed where the computer and internet was concerned in general I didn't have the want to get on it even for pleasure. Around this time of year anyways the net is pretty slow or rather I should say, the people I normally associate with are so busy in real life we're hardly on at the same times anyways. Another reason not to get on as much. There is also the final contribution of if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. In other words, I've had hardly anything positive to speak of so why bother coming online to rant/write about it and just depress and or annoy other people?
I know there are people who worry about me, especially those of which the only contact is the internet. But I'd rather not trouble you guys with matters that cannot be fixed save by me, myself, or are out of my hands entirely. It doesn't do anyone any good to dwell on such things, best just to let it roll of one's back and keep moving forward. I'll be honest, I'd rather be analytical than over run with emotion, doesn't get me or anyone else anywhere. Huh, now that I think about it, its actually disturbing how common place this has become. Doesn't matter, I know there are plenty of other people out there who are in the same boat I am or worse, hence no reason to complain.
This definately does not mean however that I am ungreatful to the emotional support everyone has offered me! Hell no it doesn't mean that! I just wanted to make that clear right now. Everyone has enough going on in their own lives and I do not want to add to anyone's stresses, thus my lack of journal entries. If you want to know the full story of things that have been going on I'll tell you, no worries, I'm not trying to hide anything from anyone. Its just, I don't see much of a point going on about something when not much if anything can be done about it. I've adapted to matters, learning to re-route my emotions and have been able to stop certain things from bothering me as much as they use to. Hence the lessend need for venting. Then again I think this is another affect of the meds I'm on and how the screw up one's hormones. They've help to make me...well....dull and lifeless to put it one way. Very unemotional.
However this might very well change soon as my doctor has placed me on a different medication, so its a wait and see aspect.
I will highlight on a few matters which have transpired.
One of my gerbils died a few nights ago. It was heartbreaking. I know it sounds foolish to get attached to a rodent but I had them since they were four weeks old. Typically rodents live on average 2-3 years. This one was 4. She had a good life. So far her sister is still alive and doing well. But in my experience the survivor typically dies about 1-2 weeks after the first one. So far she's going on strong so I have hopes for her.
The only other thing worth mentioning is....I'm out of a job again. I resigned this past weekend. After 6 weeks of no hours and thus no pay, I decided it was high due time to drop the job and move on to something more worth the effort. In case you are wondering, it said part-timers could be given anywhere from 0-80 hours every pay period [2 weeks]. I did not think this was the case with me but after all the lies and broken promises and being manipulated and used it was time to leave. Part time to me means at least 10 hours every week. No, I was misled from the very beginning as to what I was being brought on for. What I actually was...was a part time fill in. Meaning I only got hours whenever there was any left over after everyone else was put on. If I had known that from the start I would have never taken the job.
It doesn't matter now, its said, done and over, time to move on.
So once again I'm out of work with no pay. Once again I'm scrambling with online and instore applications, phone calls and emails despertly attempting to get another job. I will admit I don't have much hope. But I have no choice but to keep moving forward. There is a small prospect of getting a job at one store I've been eyeing for awhile now. Hopefully I'll be able to get in there, its close to my house, a nice area and it would be solid hours and pay. Here's to hoping then.
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Family Drama XP
5 min read
I'll start off with how the holiday went. Long story short, my only living grandparent, my mother's mother, started up drama which was completely uncalled for a few days right before Thanksgiving. Its horrible to say but myself and my mother agree she delibertly starts drama purely for attention, regardless of whether she's getting positive or negative attention. Just like a troll. My grandmother has always been one of those pretenders. She wants to be high class yet she's only middle class. She's still use to having her husband do everything for her and pamper her, even though he's been dead for 16 years. After my grandfather died my grandmother hooked up with another man, they didn't get married but were together, despite the fact he was much older than her. This guy did the same thing my grandfather did, pampered the crap out of my grandmother. Last year however she broke up with him and with no one to tend to her she causes drama to get attention. There is something definately wrong with my grandmother mentally speaking; and I'm not speaking about how she's a pain in the ass, we're talking actual mental disease.
My mom found papers tucked away in my grandmother's room that diagnosed her with some type of disorder, I think its the step before the first level of bi-polar. Anyway, she caused a ruckess and my mother got drug into it as usual since regardless of what my mother does its always a loose loose situation and my mother is just trying to pick the lesser of two evils. Once that was over we were hoping she wasn't going to cause any more drama on Thanksgiving. Which she didn't which was a good thing. Thanksgiving day was quite, it was nice.
I worked on Tuesday and Saterday which were both crazy as hell. But I survived.
Now on to the biggest piece of drama to occur. I wrote a few times about my cousin who had cancer. She's the daughter of my mother's older sister. She was diagnosed almost five years ago with stage 4 HER2 new breast cancer. She underwent every treatment available, had both her breasts removed and continued radiation after the operation. The cancer went into remission for awhile, then it came back with avengence in her bones, then it went to her brain. She kept up the treatments and even started on experimental treatments.
We just learned today that she died. Its the manner in which we learned that is the real kicker. My mother found out my cousin died when she went to the dentist today. The tech who works on my mom also has my aunt, grandmother, and my cousins as clients. The tech is friends with my family despite the fact none of us speak to eachother due to some major drama that occured through-out the years. I'm not even going to bother getting into that since that story on its own is a books worth of info. Bottom line is my mother found out through the tech. At once my mom freaks out and calls her mother so see if she heard anything and she didn't. She then called her younger sister [who is on speaking terms with] to see if she heard anything and she hadn't either. She then called me to see if I had gotten any messages and I had not.
I know my mother is upset but I'm not sure if she's more upset about not being told about my cousin dieing or how she found out. I told her not to get involved. I told her to wait until her sister contacts her, if she contacts her at all. Her sister had her reasons for not contacting the rest of the family. She did not want us around so therefor we should continue to abide by her wishes. After all, her sister was unspeakibly horrible towards her and taught her children to be the same way towards my mother. Its just going to end up in a massive explosion between the sisters and it will be completely uncalled for. They didn't want us to be a part of their life and thats the way it should stay. My mother is going to get nowhere accept being hurt. And I told her this. But she is her own person and makes her own choices, I can't stop her.
I will say this, when all this does blow up I'm going to say "I told you so." I know it sounds horrible but I'm tired of all this shit, it does nothing but waste precious energy and emotion. My mother wears her heart on her sleeve. She doesn't think rationally when it comes to matters like this. Everything else she is rational but not when it comes to stuff in the family. Personally I am not upset at all about my cousin's death. I barely knew her and I barely knew my aunt. I can't be upset over people I don't know. Not to mention all the pain and suffering they caused, why should I even care about people like that? My father thinks I'm a cold fish for saying all this but I don't care. This is not the time for knee-jerk reactions, its the time to be rational to make the correct choices.
All I know is the bomb shell will drop any moment and when it does, all hell will break loose. I'm not looking forward to this at all.
My mom found papers tucked away in my grandmother's room that diagnosed her with some type of disorder, I think its the step before the first level of bi-polar. Anyway, she caused a ruckess and my mother got drug into it as usual since regardless of what my mother does its always a loose loose situation and my mother is just trying to pick the lesser of two evils. Once that was over we were hoping she wasn't going to cause any more drama on Thanksgiving. Which she didn't which was a good thing. Thanksgiving day was quite, it was nice.
I worked on Tuesday and Saterday which were both crazy as hell. But I survived.
Now on to the biggest piece of drama to occur. I wrote a few times about my cousin who had cancer. She's the daughter of my mother's older sister. She was diagnosed almost five years ago with stage 4 HER2 new breast cancer. She underwent every treatment available, had both her breasts removed and continued radiation after the operation. The cancer went into remission for awhile, then it came back with avengence in her bones, then it went to her brain. She kept up the treatments and even started on experimental treatments.
We just learned today that she died. Its the manner in which we learned that is the real kicker. My mother found out my cousin died when she went to the dentist today. The tech who works on my mom also has my aunt, grandmother, and my cousins as clients. The tech is friends with my family despite the fact none of us speak to eachother due to some major drama that occured through-out the years. I'm not even going to bother getting into that since that story on its own is a books worth of info. Bottom line is my mother found out through the tech. At once my mom freaks out and calls her mother so see if she heard anything and she didn't. She then called her younger sister [who is on speaking terms with] to see if she heard anything and she hadn't either. She then called me to see if I had gotten any messages and I had not.
I know my mother is upset but I'm not sure if she's more upset about not being told about my cousin dieing or how she found out. I told her not to get involved. I told her to wait until her sister contacts her, if she contacts her at all. Her sister had her reasons for not contacting the rest of the family. She did not want us around so therefor we should continue to abide by her wishes. After all, her sister was unspeakibly horrible towards her and taught her children to be the same way towards my mother. Its just going to end up in a massive explosion between the sisters and it will be completely uncalled for. They didn't want us to be a part of their life and thats the way it should stay. My mother is going to get nowhere accept being hurt. And I told her this. But she is her own person and makes her own choices, I can't stop her.
I will say this, when all this does blow up I'm going to say "I told you so." I know it sounds horrible but I'm tired of all this shit, it does nothing but waste precious energy and emotion. My mother wears her heart on her sleeve. She doesn't think rationally when it comes to matters like this. Everything else she is rational but not when it comes to stuff in the family. Personally I am not upset at all about my cousin's death. I barely knew her and I barely knew my aunt. I can't be upset over people I don't know. Not to mention all the pain and suffering they caused, why should I even care about people like that? My father thinks I'm a cold fish for saying all this but I don't care. This is not the time for knee-jerk reactions, its the time to be rational to make the correct choices.
All I know is the bomb shell will drop any moment and when it does, all hell will break loose. I'm not looking forward to this at all.
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This is getting old....
9 min read
So yes, once again I've vanished from the internet for the past couple of months. And once again it has to deal with....as it always does which I know you guys are tired to the point of stabbing yourselves in the face when I say it, reality. Its an unfortunate and greatly UNWANTED theme of mine. For those of you who have known me for a decent amount of time, a year or over, know that if I vanish without warning and am gone for weeks if not months on end, it means something major has happened in real life and I don't have time or am not up to getting on the internet.
Rather than continously writing extensive journal on the shit that happens to me or use my friends as venting boards, I just keep everything to myself and avoid contact with others until I am in sound enough state of mind to speak and be around others without severly depressing and ruining the day of those around me. After all its not fair to them and its these are situations where others cannot do anything about accept perhaps provide moral support so why bother? Why bother is what I think to myself.
Now of course if it were a situation, something major which involved me, say going into the hospital or something then yes I would most certainly let everyone know. If its not life threatening however I'm not gonna bother anymore. I just wanted to post this journal up so everyone knew that I was still alive and that I did not quit the site or anything like that.
So, yeah. Anyways, for those of you who are interested in knowing whats been going on in my life and to those who simply want a read to make themseleves feel better and or those who have been through similiar experiences and read this to know they are not alone I shall provide a quick summary.
Long story short, the job I got started out great and turned to crap. I was manipulated, bullshitted, lied to, backstabbed, used, and every other word you could think of and my paradise transformed into a horrific nightmare. I have been EMPLOYED, that doesn't mean I've been working shifts at the store. Out of 120 days of employment I've only worked 42 days. Thats less only 1/3. Its a minimum wage job and the shifts ranged from 3.5 hours up to I've done 8 hour shifts. But on average I was working 4 to 6 hour shifts; moreso 4 hour shifts. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that isn't a lot of pay I've been getting, barely a pay at all. It was enough to cover health insurence, car insurence, medication, and the food for my dog. I'm not going to count her heartworm meds as those are a six month supply. The flea and tick is a monthly dose but its not too much money. Once all that was said and done I was broke. I didn't have anywhere near the money to start being able to pay my parents back the 1500 that I owe them. And for those of you who know me well, you know I cannot STAND having things like that hanging over my head!
So yeah, with tons of shit, mostly to do with money, going on at home the issue at work...yeah. The store's hours go slashed down to just barely 100 per week. Now the thing is, a certain amount of those hours MUST go to the manager and two assistant managers. Anything thats left over trickles down to the rest of the works. To me thats not fair. But who ever said life was fair? Its not, deal with it. Its a job. I needed a job, if not for the money then at least to show on a resume that I was doing something other than sitting around on my ass doing nothing. Employers will pass you over if they see you are not doing something with yourself such as going to school or working. Back on track then. It wasn't just me that was missing out when that happened it was the others who worked there as well.
But then other stuff started coming out of the woodworks. They highered on a ton of temps. and I do mean a ton for the the holiday rush. With so many temps that displaced the regular workers. They did get rid of some of the temps but I still believe they don't need as many as they have. The rest of us can handle the long shifts. Hell I KNOW the rest of us would more than WELCOME 8 to 12 hour shifts day in and day out because it means more money for us when we despertly need it! I have been reduced to working one shift a week that is only 3.5 to 4 hours in length. That doesn't even warrent me driving all the way up there, but I do it anyways because its filling a void in my resume. There is a hell of a lot more to the story than this but I'm not getting into here in the journal. It won't change anything thats happened and all it will get me is people saying they're sorry this happened to me and bits and pieces of advice that I have already been told by others.
Now don't get me wrong I'm not being ungreatful and I deeply, deeply appreciate the fact others care its just...its not enough anymore. I'm sorry. If you really want to know the indepth story then note me and I'll tell you. As far as I'm concerned its said, done and over, in the past, nothing that can be done about it.
I've gotten off track again. I apologize. Because things have been going so crappily at work I haven't had a shift in the past two weeks, and before that I only worked one day and the week before I didn't work for a week either. Needless to say this is really pissing me off. So long story short once again, I spoke to my boss today and after an hour of going back and forth which was on the heated side I refused to allow him to push me around. He told me he'd give me one chance and that was it. Incase you guys don't remember I wrote a journal concerning what this was all about. Here is a re-cap. When I was originally highered I was told that I would have a base amount of hours every week. If I wanted more hours than I'd have to work my ass for them through a type of commission in getting as many reserves and subscriptions as possible. I took my boss's advice on the matter and my co-worker's. When one sales pitch stopped working I switched to another. After all when you're in the public you have to adapt very quickly to the next person.
So I'd change up how I did the sales pitch we are required to do at every transaction to entice people into buying this other stuff. Now here is the thing. I hate bullshitting people. I don't like it done to me so I don't do it to other people. I was raised on the belief of "treat others the way you want to be treated." I don't like it when I go to a store and there are pushy sales people in my face so I don't do it to my customers. I pick and choose the people I talk to about this. If they are in a hurry I don't want to hold them up. Because if I do then it'll come back to bite me in the ass by customers complaining to my boss that I'm being pushy and I'll get in trouble, then the store will get a bad rep and it'll be on me or else everyone else at the store will blame it on me. I'm sick and tired of being everyone's scapegoat. One of the people I work with told me that I was too honest and I said yes, I was honest because I believe in an honest days work and I don't appreciate people being dishonest with me so I'm not going to do it to others. Besides it would just come back to bite me in the ass anyways.
The bottomline is because I didn't bullshit and manipulate people into buying/signing up for this stuff my numbers were low so my hours got reduced. If this coorperation is so gun-ho on customer service they shouldn't force these outragous requirements on their staff because that in turn only pisses off customers when they have to listen to the staff attempting to sell them shit they don't want or can't afford or don't need. So that ontop of the not working for a few weeks...it sucks, it sucks majorly. Its not fun, not fun at all. Once again it makes a full circle and somehow I get the short end of the stick. So thats what has been happening in my life. Doesn't make any sense and never will.
As far as everything else goes. I did have a tiny bit of luck in getting an interview for another job but thats it. I still have to get a working interview set up and once that is over with they'll decide if or not they will higher me. I'm not getting my hopes up about it. I'll believe it when I see it is what it all comes down to.
Once again I will make it know that I will not be making any cosplay or going to any conventions this summer or more than likely the summer after that. I've got too much debt and too many responsibilities to worry about as of now. Pleasure is on the back burner until further notice. This also goes for all the rps and groups I'm currently involved in. I deeply apologize for the inconvience. Its just, now that I'm out in the real world, I have been forced into the same rut so many others have been thrown into.
I hope you all have a good holiday season, take care.
Rather than continously writing extensive journal on the shit that happens to me or use my friends as venting boards, I just keep everything to myself and avoid contact with others until I am in sound enough state of mind to speak and be around others without severly depressing and ruining the day of those around me. After all its not fair to them and its these are situations where others cannot do anything about accept perhaps provide moral support so why bother? Why bother is what I think to myself.
Now of course if it were a situation, something major which involved me, say going into the hospital or something then yes I would most certainly let everyone know. If its not life threatening however I'm not gonna bother anymore. I just wanted to post this journal up so everyone knew that I was still alive and that I did not quit the site or anything like that.
So, yeah. Anyways, for those of you who are interested in knowing whats been going on in my life and to those who simply want a read to make themseleves feel better and or those who have been through similiar experiences and read this to know they are not alone I shall provide a quick summary.
Long story short, the job I got started out great and turned to crap. I was manipulated, bullshitted, lied to, backstabbed, used, and every other word you could think of and my paradise transformed into a horrific nightmare. I have been EMPLOYED, that doesn't mean I've been working shifts at the store. Out of 120 days of employment I've only worked 42 days. Thats less only 1/3. Its a minimum wage job and the shifts ranged from 3.5 hours up to I've done 8 hour shifts. But on average I was working 4 to 6 hour shifts; moreso 4 hour shifts. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that isn't a lot of pay I've been getting, barely a pay at all. It was enough to cover health insurence, car insurence, medication, and the food for my dog. I'm not going to count her heartworm meds as those are a six month supply. The flea and tick is a monthly dose but its not too much money. Once all that was said and done I was broke. I didn't have anywhere near the money to start being able to pay my parents back the 1500 that I owe them. And for those of you who know me well, you know I cannot STAND having things like that hanging over my head!
So yeah, with tons of shit, mostly to do with money, going on at home the issue at work...yeah. The store's hours go slashed down to just barely 100 per week. Now the thing is, a certain amount of those hours MUST go to the manager and two assistant managers. Anything thats left over trickles down to the rest of the works. To me thats not fair. But who ever said life was fair? Its not, deal with it. Its a job. I needed a job, if not for the money then at least to show on a resume that I was doing something other than sitting around on my ass doing nothing. Employers will pass you over if they see you are not doing something with yourself such as going to school or working. Back on track then. It wasn't just me that was missing out when that happened it was the others who worked there as well.
But then other stuff started coming out of the woodworks. They highered on a ton of temps. and I do mean a ton for the the holiday rush. With so many temps that displaced the regular workers. They did get rid of some of the temps but I still believe they don't need as many as they have. The rest of us can handle the long shifts. Hell I KNOW the rest of us would more than WELCOME 8 to 12 hour shifts day in and day out because it means more money for us when we despertly need it! I have been reduced to working one shift a week that is only 3.5 to 4 hours in length. That doesn't even warrent me driving all the way up there, but I do it anyways because its filling a void in my resume. There is a hell of a lot more to the story than this but I'm not getting into here in the journal. It won't change anything thats happened and all it will get me is people saying they're sorry this happened to me and bits and pieces of advice that I have already been told by others.
Now don't get me wrong I'm not being ungreatful and I deeply, deeply appreciate the fact others care its just...its not enough anymore. I'm sorry. If you really want to know the indepth story then note me and I'll tell you. As far as I'm concerned its said, done and over, in the past, nothing that can be done about it.
I've gotten off track again. I apologize. Because things have been going so crappily at work I haven't had a shift in the past two weeks, and before that I only worked one day and the week before I didn't work for a week either. Needless to say this is really pissing me off. So long story short once again, I spoke to my boss today and after an hour of going back and forth which was on the heated side I refused to allow him to push me around. He told me he'd give me one chance and that was it. Incase you guys don't remember I wrote a journal concerning what this was all about. Here is a re-cap. When I was originally highered I was told that I would have a base amount of hours every week. If I wanted more hours than I'd have to work my ass for them through a type of commission in getting as many reserves and subscriptions as possible. I took my boss's advice on the matter and my co-worker's. When one sales pitch stopped working I switched to another. After all when you're in the public you have to adapt very quickly to the next person.
So I'd change up how I did the sales pitch we are required to do at every transaction to entice people into buying this other stuff. Now here is the thing. I hate bullshitting people. I don't like it done to me so I don't do it to other people. I was raised on the belief of "treat others the way you want to be treated." I don't like it when I go to a store and there are pushy sales people in my face so I don't do it to my customers. I pick and choose the people I talk to about this. If they are in a hurry I don't want to hold them up. Because if I do then it'll come back to bite me in the ass by customers complaining to my boss that I'm being pushy and I'll get in trouble, then the store will get a bad rep and it'll be on me or else everyone else at the store will blame it on me. I'm sick and tired of being everyone's scapegoat. One of the people I work with told me that I was too honest and I said yes, I was honest because I believe in an honest days work and I don't appreciate people being dishonest with me so I'm not going to do it to others. Besides it would just come back to bite me in the ass anyways.
The bottomline is because I didn't bullshit and manipulate people into buying/signing up for this stuff my numbers were low so my hours got reduced. If this coorperation is so gun-ho on customer service they shouldn't force these outragous requirements on their staff because that in turn only pisses off customers when they have to listen to the staff attempting to sell them shit they don't want or can't afford or don't need. So that ontop of the not working for a few weeks...it sucks, it sucks majorly. Its not fun, not fun at all. Once again it makes a full circle and somehow I get the short end of the stick. So thats what has been happening in my life. Doesn't make any sense and never will.
As far as everything else goes. I did have a tiny bit of luck in getting an interview for another job but thats it. I still have to get a working interview set up and once that is over with they'll decide if or not they will higher me. I'm not getting my hopes up about it. I'll believe it when I see it is what it all comes down to.
Once again I will make it know that I will not be making any cosplay or going to any conventions this summer or more than likely the summer after that. I've got too much debt and too many responsibilities to worry about as of now. Pleasure is on the back burner until further notice. This also goes for all the rps and groups I'm currently involved in. I deeply apologize for the inconvience. Its just, now that I'm out in the real world, I have been forced into the same rut so many others have been thrown into.
I hope you all have a good holiday season, take care.
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Tagged and update
7 min read
Okay, it was time for the ranting and raving from the 13th level of hell to get off my front page. The situations spoken of are said, done, and over with for the time being. Moving on then.
Ugh, anyone else worried to death about this hurricane coming through? I living in Cecil County Maryland and so far all the information is pointing towards where I live [about 15 miles from the state line into DE] getting nailed and nailed hard. Its not going to be a matter of IF we lose power but WHEN. I mean, seriously, my power goes out even during the smallest of thunder storms because several of the underground cables into the neighborhood require replacing! A fucking hurricane is going to MURDER us! They said we could be without power for up to 2 weeks max and 96 hours min.! Thats a load of bullshit.
Oh and lets not forget how part of my basement likes to flood. -_-; So I spent several hours before work re-organizing the entire basement and getting everything that was on the floor up off the floor and sitting on chairs/tables. We stacked stand bags inside and outside against the double doors where it likes to flood plus put new sealer and duct tape around the door and set up all the sump-pumps. Of course those are only going to last as long as we have power. So dad built a deflector wall to try and move the run-off away from the back doors of the house. Without a generator we are screwed.
When we loose our electric, we also loose our running water. Why? Because we have a well and of course that means we have a pump in the well to draw up water. No electric, no pump running, no water. Can't even flush the damn toilet!
So, this time around we are packing up and shipping out whenever the power goes out. Mom looked for pet friendly hotels since we have a dog and I have gerbils. I'm not leaving my pets behind! We found a few further away from the worst of the storm so hopefully one of those places should still have power.
All in all, my absence this weekend will be do to the hurricane.
Don't expect me on much next week either. Work is going to be hell since the manager got pulled down to a week long conference in some other state. So its just going to be me, the new guy who got brought on this week, and the assistant manager. So I'll be pulling anywhere between 30 to over 40 hours this coming week. Which is fine because I really need the money but still; we've got the midnight release for Madden on the 30th. At least it won't be nearly as crowded as what the Gears of War 3 release will be. XP
So, yeah, quick update.
Now then, onto what was supposed to be the original point of this entry, the tag!
Tagged by:
who was tagged by 
01 - Share these rules
02 - Every "Tagged" person have to put 10 thing about themselves in the Journal
03 - In the end you have to choose 10 people for tagging and share the icons
04 - You must go to the webpage and send a message to tagged ones
05 - NO Tag backs
06 - Nothing like "you're tagged if you read this", you have to tag 10 people.
1) I a female in real life. Most people on the internet mistake me for a male thanks to my rather blunt and to the point manner of speaking. Not to mention the fact I'm a tomboy. Wouldn't catch me dead doing anything considered "prissy/frilly/girly-girly"
2) Spiders scare the crap out of me! If they are outside and not within 10ft of me I'm good. But if they are inside the house or my car I FREAK out! I can squish the smaller spiders on my own. But once I see a spider larger than a 50 cent piece I run away in terror and force someone else to get rid of it.
3) I absolutely cannot stand needles! I hate them with a burning passion which cannot be described by words! I was always sick as a child and I'm still enduring continious health problems even now so I'm still being poked and prodded much to my dismay. XP
4) My zodiac sign is that of Aries the ram, the god of war, also known as mars. My chinese sign is also that of the ram. My primary elemental sign is earth [which is odd], my secondary elemental sign is fire, and third is air.
5) I am NOT religious. Instead I take great interest from a third party perspective and study both modern and ancient religons/cultures as a hobby. I will admit I do believe in the theory of the law of equivelant exchange from Full Metal Alchemist as it does make a lot of sense. In order to gain something, something of equal value must be lost. This is the world's one and only truth." Of course more times than not the law is out of balance, and is out of balance a hell of a lot with my own life.
6) Veggies/fruit/ and other ruffage type foods....I can't eat them, they mess up my stomach big time. It takes a lot of acid and work on the body's behalf to break down this plant material thanks to the thick cell walls. Meat and dairy is the only thing I can digest without having any problems. Thats weak stomach acide for you. I don't mind though. I've always been a major time meat eater. Mmmmm meat.....-drools-
7) I do not like to beat around the bush when speaking. I prefer to say it like it is. Of course I do this with as much humility as can be applied to the situation and topic at hand. Despite loving the fantasy realm and constantly wishing I could take an extended vacation there, I am a very realistic and down to earth person. I approch matters from both an analytical and scientific perspective. Such approach methods often give the misconception I'm rude or something equally similar.
8) With music I tend to listen to whatever suits my current mood. But as a general rule of theumb the genres of music I'm into include: rock, metal, death metal, screamo, techno, trance, liquid, and raver along with alternative and most video game music. Some of my favorite bands include: Seether, Papa Roach, Disturbed, System of a Down, 30 Seconds to Mars, Blutengel, Bass Hunter, Bloodhound Gang, Creed, Areosmith, Pink Floyde, etc.
9) Writing and rp are two of my most favorite past times. They allow me to escape into a world unknown.
10) I currently am working at GameStop.
Now then I tag the following people! I apologize if you were already tagged by someone else:
Ugh, anyone else worried to death about this hurricane coming through? I living in Cecil County Maryland and so far all the information is pointing towards where I live [about 15 miles from the state line into DE] getting nailed and nailed hard. Its not going to be a matter of IF we lose power but WHEN. I mean, seriously, my power goes out even during the smallest of thunder storms because several of the underground cables into the neighborhood require replacing! A fucking hurricane is going to MURDER us! They said we could be without power for up to 2 weeks max and 96 hours min.! Thats a load of bullshit.
Oh and lets not forget how part of my basement likes to flood. -_-; So I spent several hours before work re-organizing the entire basement and getting everything that was on the floor up off the floor and sitting on chairs/tables. We stacked stand bags inside and outside against the double doors where it likes to flood plus put new sealer and duct tape around the door and set up all the sump-pumps. Of course those are only going to last as long as we have power. So dad built a deflector wall to try and move the run-off away from the back doors of the house. Without a generator we are screwed.
When we loose our electric, we also loose our running water. Why? Because we have a well and of course that means we have a pump in the well to draw up water. No electric, no pump running, no water. Can't even flush the damn toilet!
So, this time around we are packing up and shipping out whenever the power goes out. Mom looked for pet friendly hotels since we have a dog and I have gerbils. I'm not leaving my pets behind! We found a few further away from the worst of the storm so hopefully one of those places should still have power.
All in all, my absence this weekend will be do to the hurricane.
Don't expect me on much next week either. Work is going to be hell since the manager got pulled down to a week long conference in some other state. So its just going to be me, the new guy who got brought on this week, and the assistant manager. So I'll be pulling anywhere between 30 to over 40 hours this coming week. Which is fine because I really need the money but still; we've got the midnight release for Madden on the 30th. At least it won't be nearly as crowded as what the Gears of War 3 release will be. XP
So, yeah, quick update.
Now then, onto what was supposed to be the original point of this entry, the tag!
Tagged by:
who was tagged by 01 - Share these rules
02 - Every "Tagged" person have to put 10 thing about themselves in the Journal
03 - In the end you have to choose 10 people for tagging and share the icons
04 - You must go to the webpage and send a message to tagged ones
05 - NO Tag backs
06 - Nothing like "you're tagged if you read this", you have to tag 10 people.
1) I a female in real life. Most people on the internet mistake me for a male thanks to my rather blunt and to the point manner of speaking. Not to mention the fact I'm a tomboy. Wouldn't catch me dead doing anything considered "prissy/frilly/girly-girly"
2) Spiders scare the crap out of me! If they are outside and not within 10ft of me I'm good. But if they are inside the house or my car I FREAK out! I can squish the smaller spiders on my own. But once I see a spider larger than a 50 cent piece I run away in terror and force someone else to get rid of it.
3) I absolutely cannot stand needles! I hate them with a burning passion which cannot be described by words! I was always sick as a child and I'm still enduring continious health problems even now so I'm still being poked and prodded much to my dismay. XP
4) My zodiac sign is that of Aries the ram, the god of war, also known as mars. My chinese sign is also that of the ram. My primary elemental sign is earth [which is odd], my secondary elemental sign is fire, and third is air.
5) I am NOT religious. Instead I take great interest from a third party perspective and study both modern and ancient religons/cultures as a hobby. I will admit I do believe in the theory of the law of equivelant exchange from Full Metal Alchemist as it does make a lot of sense. In order to gain something, something of equal value must be lost. This is the world's one and only truth." Of course more times than not the law is out of balance, and is out of balance a hell of a lot with my own life.
6) Veggies/fruit/ and other ruffage type foods....I can't eat them, they mess up my stomach big time. It takes a lot of acid and work on the body's behalf to break down this plant material thanks to the thick cell walls. Meat and dairy is the only thing I can digest without having any problems. Thats weak stomach acide for you. I don't mind though. I've always been a major time meat eater. Mmmmm meat.....-drools-
7) I do not like to beat around the bush when speaking. I prefer to say it like it is. Of course I do this with as much humility as can be applied to the situation and topic at hand. Despite loving the fantasy realm and constantly wishing I could take an extended vacation there, I am a very realistic and down to earth person. I approch matters from both an analytical and scientific perspective. Such approach methods often give the misconception I'm rude or something equally similar.
8) With music I tend to listen to whatever suits my current mood. But as a general rule of theumb the genres of music I'm into include: rock, metal, death metal, screamo, techno, trance, liquid, and raver along with alternative and most video game music. Some of my favorite bands include: Seether, Papa Roach, Disturbed, System of a Down, 30 Seconds to Mars, Blutengel, Bass Hunter, Bloodhound Gang, Creed, Areosmith, Pink Floyde, etc.
9) Writing and rp are two of my most favorite past times. They allow me to escape into a world unknown.
10) I currently am working at GameStop.
Now then I tag the following people! I apologize if you were already tagged by someone else:
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